Graduation Post

Confession…I almost quit so many times.

This week is my last official week at community college. This Thursday, I will sit with a group of peers and be recognized for completing the required courses necessary to obtain an Associates degree in Liberal Arts with a concentration on Psychology. I will walk across a stage and shake  strangers hands who represent the institution of education. I will accept a rolled up piece of paper that represents the diploma that will come in the mail at a later date. I know it sounds like I’m minimizing the event, but I’m really not. I’m detailing the events that await me realizing that I almost quit. I almost cheated myself out of this experience.

You see, every semester, I wanted to quit. Every semester I told my husband that this was the last one. Yet, by the grace of God and the encouragement of my family I didn’t. Every semester, I signed up for another class and the cycle would being again. However, the last two semester have been different. What changed? Why did I stop trying to quit? Do you really want to know? Here it is. Last spring I realized that I was almost done with the required work. I realized that if I got through just a few more classes, I would be recognized for completing the required work. I didn’t even realize how close I was. Isn’t that silly? The realization gave me the focus I needed to do finish strong.

I suppose you might be thinking, “So why is she bothering us with this post?” I’m so glad you asked. It’s been my dream, since completing high school, to earn my degree. Many of life’s complications got in the way of that dream. Many of my own fears and excuses got in the way of that dream. When I finally enrolled in classes and went through the process of earning a degree, I complained and whined and wore myself out with anxiety. It wasn’t a pretty process. Sometimes, it was downright ugly! Yet, here I am…standing in this place….looking back to that place. I’m on the other side of the work…done. Degree has been earned.

Here’s the point, there are dreams you have that you are afraid to release into the light of day.  There are fears and excuses that keep you from even imaging how it would feel to achieve those dreams. Don’t wait for those fears and excuses to go away. They probably won’t. Start moving forward. Kick those fears and excuses aside, and navigate your way through the rubble of life.

You guys!!!!! I’m graduating! I did it! It feels good to look back at the work and feel a sense of confidence and accomplishment. I want that feeling for you too. Go get it!

Until another confession…

Winning Moments & Epic Fails

Parenting is hard for us sinners. Here’s a post from a couple of years ago. Enjoy!

Confessions of a Regenerated Heart

Confession…too often I forget to look at my kids and see their winning moments. Sometimes, I look too closely at their shortcomings and forget to tell them how they are growing and developing as human beings.

As parents, we want to make sure our kids are turning out okay. No one says it out loud, but we all feel like their behavior is a reflection of our winning moments or our epic fail moments. When our kids are in the middle of full blown fits, we often worry that onlookers are judging our competency as parents. When our kids are well behaved and using their manners, we fight the urge to take that success as our own. We NEVER say these things out loud, but we all know we are thinking it. If my kids turn out well, I will have succeeded as a parent. If my kids ends up…

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I Am Not A Normal Mother

Came across this post from two years ago and wanted to share.

Confessions of a Regenerated Heart

Confession: I am not a normal mother. I work with middle schoolers and their parents, I get asked many times in a week “What do normal moms do?” I am the wrong person to ask, I am not a normal mother. I tell them what I would do, but I then remind them that I am NOT a normal mother.

I was asked this question recently, by a mother who was completely unsure of her next step. I felt such compassion for her. I knew her state of mind. I have been there many times. She was filled with confusion, frustration, panic, exasperation, and ultimately LOVE as a result of her child’s behavior. Many times, as parents, we are filled with such emotion as our children push us to limits we never knew possible. We watch in disbelief, some days, as they chart a course for themselves outside of what…

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The Allegory

It’s been a few months since this post and I am still in awe of the work God is doing in my life and the lives of those I know and love.

Confessions of a Regenerated Heart

Let me tell you a story about a piece of pottery. It had heard the Potter speak about how useful and stunning it was. It was destined to be important. It longed for the day it would realize its dreams of greatness. However, as the days melted into weeks, the weeks moved to months. Then slowly the months became years. Of course the piece began to feel betrayed. Wasn’t it meant for more than this shelf? Wasn’t it meant to be used for something important? Wasn’t it meant to be on display? It was dark here and difficult to see.

“I don’t like this place!” shouted the piece. “Surely, I am destined to be more. Instead, I am on a shelf, abandoned and forgotten.”

In the first days, it had repeatedly cried out and complained. As its voice grew hoarse, it began to create schemes to get off the shelf…

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The Year Reflected

Every year, I reflect on the year past and look toward the new year in hopes of improvement and growth. If I’m honest, and you all know I work hard to be transparent and honest here, I will admit that this year was full of changes. I quit a job I thought I would do forever. I took a job that took me away from my family. I sent my firstborn off to high school. I said goodbye to friends. I stepped out of positions I had been in for years. I wrestled with my identity and finding it in God rather than man. So much for one year.

I would love to say that the changes made this year have been for the good, but I am still in the aftermath of some of the transitions. I’m not sure what is going to happen next. I’ve experienced some deep cuts this year and I’m still licking wounds that haven’t quite yet healed. They are all growing pains, so I know that there is good on the other side, but how those growing pains have made me want to quit.

Last week, I almost succumbed to the urge to quit. I considered giving up on dreaming…hoping…believing. I wanted quit it all. I looked at life without creativity, writing, and expression and worked hard to convince myself that the world would be a better place if I could just be normal, bland, and quiet. If I could find some way to hide and be silent, wouldn’t that just be better for everyone? I allowed myself to believe some old lies that I had not embraced for a long time. I listened to a voice that I had learned to silence. I bought the lie that God made me wrong and I needed to hide who I was to protect those who love me most. What I was really trying to do was hide from some hard decisions we need to make soon. I was trying to hide from discovering what God has for me in this new season.

My husband and mother were a blessing this last week. Their voices shouted louder than the voices that were lying to me. Their voices spoke truth and love. Their voices called God to come and fight for me. Then God reminded me how much He loved me. God reminded me that He didn’t make mistakes. He still didn’t fill me in on what is next in this season, but He reminded me that I’m not alone.

So, here I am. Writing and sharing this experience because I know I am not the only one who struggles with these kinds of moments. And as long as there is just one of you out there who might be encouraged by my chronicling of the weeks events, then I will continue to share my stories. You’re not alone.

Until another confession…