Confession…when someone hurts my kids…I get pretty intense REALLY fast. I can literally feel my blood pressure rising and an urge to hurt something wells up deep inside of me. I believe some people call this a mother’s instinct…I call it scary. It’s hard to stay focused on being Godly during such moments, but if I keep saying I want to be the gospel to those around me this is THE most important moment for me to plug into God and keep my focus.
Yesterday, my sweet girl had a really hard day. She was hurt deep and I got a front row seat to the whole thing. Everything in me wanted to make it stop, but that was not in her best interest. My heart was enraged on her behalf and I forced myself to pray the kind of prayer that only a mother who is aching for her child can pray. “Make it stop! Give me wisdom! Help me not to maim anyone right now! God help!”
After all was said and done, she came to me, pleading for an explanation. Her sweet little eyes were overflowing with tears that I could not take away. She asked me to please take her home. She was ready to be done with her day and she wanted to be home. I know the feeling all too well. You all have been listening to me whine about how I wish I could run away and hide from the meanness the world too often offers. You also realize, I couldn’t take her home. I couldn’t let her leave. She wasn’t finished with her tasks for the day. She had to keep moving forward. She had to move on despite the lies she was now hearing within herself.
I held her for a good while and allowed her the tears she needed to release. I didn’t want to let her go, but I knew I had to. I then reminded her that she was God’s kid. I reminded her that she was our kid. I reminded her that she had a big God who was going to get her through the rest of the day. I reminded her that God loved her and created her and knew who she was. I reminded that her daddy and I loved her and knew who she was. I explained to her that if we went home now, the hurt would win. We had to stay. I reminded her how much we loved her again and how proud we were of her. Then I made her go back to class.
She went back to class and she came to see me a couple of times for another hug, but then went back to her day. She then went to her soccer game and played the best defensive game I’ve seen her play in a while. She’s going to be okay. Mommy on the other hand, needs to do more praying.
Now, the hurt will pass and there is no permanent damage done. She will see things through a different lens regarding that person. She has learned that sometimes, no matter how hard you try to be good and do the right thing, you have bad days. My ultimate prayer is that she learned that God loves her and won’t let her down even when life gets hard.
Until another confession…