What Do You Say?

Confession…it’s not easy to know what to do when someone around you gets hit hard by life. I mean, what do you say to someone who has just suffered incredible devastation? How do you console their hearts when you know there are no words to say that will help? You don’t really have to say anything. Sometimes it helps if you don’t say anything. If you feel the need to say something, you can say “I’m sorry”. That’s really all you need to say.

Years ago, we lost our first pregnancy and I was devastated. I was angry. I was confused. I blamed God. I blamed myself. I blamed my husband. I was a mess. Well meaning people tried to make me feel better. I’m sure they hated to see me cry. I’m sure they wanted to remove my pain. I was just such a mess, and I know their instinct was to rescue and soothe the pain. Instead, they said well meaning things that came across as insensitive and cruel. I know they didn’t mean to be, but my frame of mind was so off kilter that I was hearing EVERYTHING through broken ears.

Of course I knew that God was in control, but I was mad at Him for taking my baby. Of course I knew that I could try again, but I couldn’t replace one baby with another. Of course I knew that God has a reason for my pain, but He didn’t clue me in and that made me even more angry. As I said before, I know they were trying to help me make sense of an incredibly senseless situation. I love that they tried so hard to reach my wounded heart. I was just processing through the pain and I had to have a moment to just be sad and angry. There’s no way to avoid those emotions when life hits you hard. It’s important not to get stuck there, and sometimes it takes a while to move past those emotions. However, it’s important to go through those emotions so one can move forward.

I suppose my point is, when you see someone going through something incredibly painful, you don’t have to help them make sense of it, but it would help if you love on them. You don’t need to say anything. You don’t need to fix anything. Just be there. Let them cry without trying to stop the tears. Most importantly, pray. Pray for them in an honest and real way. Pray that God would help you to minister to them according to His desire. Pray that He would comfort them. Pray.

Until another confession…

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