This morning was a blur. I had grand plans for this morning. I wanted to have a quiet time with God, but that didn’t work out. I wanted to steal moments with my husband. I didn’t. God called me out to minister to one of His precious hearts. I was frustrated and agitated the whole drive over. I knew I was wrong and I knew I was wrong for indulging those feelings for as long as I did. I know God forgives me, but how I pray He helps me to move on and not focus on my moment of selfishness. I want so badly for my life to mean something and I often feel that I fail in those moments God provides to test my character. When will I realize that when God calls me to move, I don’t need to worry about all the plans I have made. My plans are just that…my plans. God’s plan is what my goal truly is. Maybe I shouldn’t be so worried about my plans, but I am. I am so worried about the plans I have and the truth is that I don’t even really know what my plans are. I mean really, what are my plans? To have kids? I did that. To get married? I did that. To have a home? I have that. I need a new plan. I need God’s plan for my life. God’s plan for me…what does that even look like? How do I know I’ve found it? As these questions run through my mind, like the ticker tape at the bottom of the screen of a news report, the screen flashes to Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
God knows the plans. Do I get to know the plans? Again the screen of my mind flashes to another verse, Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
I know God knows what He’s doing. Oh, that my heart would allow that to be enough. Oh, that my heart would not long to know more. Oh, that my heart would trust God and God alone. Maybe that is the plan for this season, to learn to trust God completely. Maybe I’m learning to lean not on my own understanding and my own plans but to trust God with all of my heart and acknowledge Him, as He makes my paths straight. It’s going to be a long season.
Until another confession