Recently I came to the realization that my deep question is “Am I enough?”. Just as I am with all of my faults and flaws, am I enough? Am I enough to be a good woman, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend? Am I enough?
I realize I spend much of my time trying to prove to myself, the world, and God that I am enough. I exert myself trying to prove that I am smart enough, talented enough, resourceful enough, healthy enough, and beautiful enough. Enough. Enough for what?! What am I attempting to be enough for? And therein lies my deepest fear. Maybe I am not enough to make an impact on my world.
I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11. It begins with five simple words. Five wonderfully, beautifully simple words I will most likely spend a lifetime struggling to remember.
For I know the plans
God knows the plans He made for me. He made them for me! And guess what? He made them for you too! AND He made you! He made us with those plans in mind. He equipped us for those plans. He equipped my 4 foot 10 inch body with all of the talents I would need to pursue His will for me. The only thing I was born with that I will need to give up in order to pursue that life, is my desire for sin. And oh, how I wrestle between my desire to sin and my desire for Him.
The truth is friend, I am not enough. I am lacking the ability to accomplish all He has for me. I need God. He will be what makes me enough. My struggling to be enough apart from Him is a futile struggle. In the following verse, Jeremiah 29:12, we see a beautiful response to this struggle.
Then you will call out to Me
It is not usually my first response, but it should be.
Until another confession…