Confession…when I have good days, they are great days! The sun is shining. The air is crisp. Life is grand and I am invincible. When I have “meh” days, I work hard to find evidences of God’s love on which to focus. I work hard to find some blessing in the “meh-ness” of the day. When I have bad days…it is like all hell gets unleashed and every fear and insecurity camps out in the living room of my heart. Those are rough days. Seriously, they are rough. I am not quite sure how to respond to these days. I typically take a quick trip down pity party lane and hide from the world. My sweet husband comes in search of me and I hide. He calls to me to join him in the land of the happy and I scowl with fury. I am having a bad day and I LOVE IT! so leave me alone.
Now, if I am honest, I will tell you I don’t love it, but I don’t always know how to get out of these bad days. My response to these times is usually to withdraw and hide. I hide in a book, a movie, a game, anywhere but my Bible or prayer time. I know why I do this. I want to be justified in my emotion.
Eventually, I get lonely and venture out and find a way to repent, but I emerge battered and bruised. The lies I play into have wreaked havoc on my heart and mind. The meanness my family has had to endure means I must ask them for forgiveness. They are always quick to welcome me back from my isolation booth of insanity. I am a blessed woman.
I realize you might be wondering why I am confessing this to you. There is a point to this post. You are not alone. I have bad days and I struggle to be successful with them. The lie I always buy into is that I am alone in this behavior. I am the only one who feels like this. No one, ever, in the whole wide world, anywhere….has ever felt the way that I feel. I am wrong. I know I am. Someone out there feels lonely. Someone out there feels tired. Someone out there gets tired of fighting the good fight. Someone out there gets tired of fighting against the side of them that wants to be self indulgent and self centered. We know that we will keep fighting. We know that we will keep working. Sometimes, we just need to stop and rest and allow ourselves a good cry, followed by an amazing hug, wrapped up with prayer with a good friend.
So if you are having one of those days, I want to tell you….you are not alone. We’ll be out here waiting for you. See you soon.
Until another confession…