Picking and Choosing

Confession…when I married my husband I knew he wasn’t perfect. I saw the areas that he wrestled with and knew they would come up at some point, but I figured I could handle whatever came at us and went for it anyway.

Over the years, I have heard a lot of talk from various people I know about “choosing the right one” and “picking the one God wants” when it comes to marriage.  I understand where it comes from and I wrestled with that concept myself when John was courting me. I wanted so badly to marry the right person. I had seen what was going on, in people around me, who had “married the wrong person” and I wanted none of that. I wanted to pick the perfect person. I wanted to pick the person God had chosen for me. I prayed that a golden arrow would appear over his head and a voice from heaven would say “this is the one you shall marry”. Oh if only it were that clear cut and straightforward.

So, when I met John and that didn’t happen I had serious reservations. While we courted, I didn’t know what to do. John knew I was the one for him, but what did that mean? How did he know? And why didn’t I know? Why wasn’t God telling me? I laugh at it now, but I was really feeling conflicted.

The thing I was attracted to in John was his desire to make a difference in the world. He wanted to change the world and he knew God had something to do with getting him to that goal. He didn’t have it all planned out. Honestly he was a little lost on that front, but he was determined. He loved God and he loved me.  Then I began to realize that, I really wanted him to be the one. I wanted to choose him, even though he didn’t have it all figured out. I wanted him because he loved God and he loved me. Those are two things that really matter! I was willing to walk with him, even though he wrestled with some areas. I was willing to choose him even if those things never changed. I just wanted to be with him.

I think the mistake we are prone to make is that we look at people with optimistic hopes and dreams. It isn’t fair. I realize we should see the best in people, but to truly love you have to be willing to see the flaws alongside the successes. That is where love really starts to get dense. Now, I am not talking about someone who has serious character flaws and is determined to choose sin, I am talking about someone who loves God deeply and is committed to allow heart regeneration to take place, but is still making that journey.

I don’t know if there is “the right one” or “the one God wants for you” but I do know that God wants us to partner in marriage with someone who loves Him so we can serve Him together. I also know that God wants us to choose someone we can love, even if they don’t have it all figured out yet, but remember, they HAVE to love God! It’s that important.

Until another confession…



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