Confession…I have one ambition left in my heart, and for that one ambition, I have one excuse.
This ambition has been in my heart since I was a girl, and I began pursuing it fresh out of high school. The pursuit became intense, and in the face of this intensity I quit. I will tell you that I quit because of money. I will tell you I quit because my health was failing. But the truth is, I quit because I was scared.
I had one lone voice cheering me on. I had a thousand voices telling me I would fail. I had a thousand voices telling me I wasn’t enough. I had a thousand voices telling me that my dream was not worth their effort. I had one lone voice cheering me on. I chose to listen to the thousand voices.
Now, before you get on to me about how I should have ignored the thousand voices, I’d like to remind you that you do the same thing. There are dreams left in your heart that you have packed up and put on the shelf. You have allowed the dreamer in you to die because, frankly, it’s expensive to dream. Worse yet, it’s excruciatingly painful when we fail to achieve those dreams. I mean, seriously, who has time for that? There are bills to be paid, hours to put in, children to raise, carpools to manage, marriages to fight for, and somehow we have to find a few hours to sleep. I get it. I really do.
I need you all to know that I love the life I live. I have an amazing family. I have an amazing community. It’s a great life. But I still have to answer the question of what to do about this one ambition and this matching excuse.
You see, I have a problem. I tell my kids that excuses will rob you of your dreams. They will! And I see my sweet children making excuses for themselves from time to time. Could it be that I am modeling something to them without even realizing it? I don’t know! So, I have the opportunity to pursue my dream again. I am not going to lie, I have a thousand voices telling me I shouldn’t do it. I have one voice telling me to go for it. I take that back, I have a family of voices telling me to go for it. I think I’ll listen to those voices this time. As to my excuse, maybe by pursuing my dream, maybe by trusting that I have a God who is big enough to help me succeed, maybe I can erase that excuse. I’m kind of tired of it. I’d like to see what life without that excuse looks like.
Until the next confession…