Confession….I do not like it when people attack the person that I am. It hurts. Usually, it isn’t done with love or concern for my spiritual development. It is done in anger and hard words are used. It isn’t my favorite. This seems to happen to me from time to time and each time I have to fight the urge to run and hide.
Now, I will admit that sometimes I have earned the hard words. I have not always been soft in my speaking of truth. I have not always covered my words in love or prayer. God is working on me and by God’s grace, I am not the woman I was. I am not yet the woman He has called me to be, but I am believing that His love for me is big and that He will keep His promise to complete the work He has begun in me (Philippians 1:6). However, there are times when it just comes and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Those are the ones I find hardest to accept.
I’m in the middle of such a season and I have been pleading with God to please rescue me from this type of interaction. I’ve been begging Him to teach me how to get good enough to avoid these kinds of interactions. I really would rather never have to deal with these kinds of things. It would be in everyone’s best interest…right? Maybe not right.
Something I am learning during this season, is that God is with me ALL THE TIME. I can take comfort is knowing that He is with me and I am never alone. I am also being reminded that I got in line and signed up for this. Anytime you raise your hand and say “I will follow Jesus” you can expect there to be hurdles. The roadway will not be cleared for you so you can run the race with ease. It will be hard. It will have challenges. People will not understand what you are doing. You will be misinterpreted. You will be attacked. It is just going to happen. The point is not to be so good that you make everyone happy all the time with what you are doing. The point is to keep running back to God when it gets hard and you get hurt. The point is to keep moving forward even though you want to quit. The point is to stay focused on who God is calling you to be and not get weary in well doing. The point is to keep pursuing God even though everything inside your mind tells you to stop. The point is to not let the criticism disable you and render you useless.
I’m going to be honest, I don’t even know what that looks like, but I’ve got my big girl pants on and I’m ready to find out. I’m going to have to stay softhearted even though everything in me right now wants to harden. I know God is here to help me. I know God will never leave me or forsake me. I can face anything He allows as long as I know He’s with me.
Until another confession…