Confession…forgiveness is hard and many times I don’t want to do it.
I’ve got to forgive someone. I don’t want to do it. In my opinion, they don’t deserve it. They’ve been rude and mean and downright WRONG. I rather like being angry with them. I rather like making them pay (even though they aren’t even aware they are paying) for their wrongs. But really, I am the one paying.
My heart grows a little harder every day that I hold on to my pain. My heart grows a little colder every day I choose to replay the offense. My heart grows a little further from where God wants it to be. Every day I choose NOT to forgive is a day I choose not to move forward.
I have no great insight into how to forgive. I wish I did. I’ve been working on forgiveness my whole life. I’ve had some pretty intense pain to let go of. So, my words on forgiveness aren’t new and they aren’t profound. They are simple and you have heard them a thousand times. Just do it.
It’s a memory I will need to release. I will place that memory in the hands of God. I will need to leave it there. I will have the urge to go back and get it. I will have to fight that urge. I will have to do that over and over and over again. And soon…it will get easier. I don’t want to forgive, but I know I need to. I need to let it go. I need to give God permission to take it over.
You know what I always find curious…it’s a little bit easier to let go of the big hurt. The little annoying hurts…those are the harder ones to release.
Either way, today I choose to let it go. Today I choose to give God permission to take over.
Until another confession…