Confession…I am guilty of holding back when it comes to following Jesus. I have a “reserve tank” and I find I keep a little extra there just in case. Just in case what? Just in case God doesn’t come through…just in case God let’s me down…just in case God doesn’t keep His promises…just in case. Honestly, I am starting to wonder if “just in case” is robbing me of something. What? I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure I’m right on this one.
My reading was in Romans 8 this morning.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can beagainst us?He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
God withheld nothing in His mission to reconcile me to a personal relationship with Him and redeem me for something beyond my own desires. My response…I fight Him. He is working to make my heart soft and new and I fight Him. Worse yet, I hold back portions of myself from Him. I know why I do it and I guess you would all understand why, but that doesn’t make it good or right.
As I read further in this chapter this is what I found.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Nothing can separate me from the love of God…not even my own dumb behavior. My attempts to hide from Him aren’t enough to keep me from His love. What great news!
The big idea this Sunday was “Love always takes a step forward”. I’m going to be honest, this scares the crap out of me. I am scare to step forward. God requires all of me and most days I am more than willing to give it to Him. But let’s be honest, when following Jesus, there are some days it is hard and I don’t’ want to do it. I like my reserve tank. I like knowing there is something just in case. But as I read that God spared no expense to get close to me, I find my concept of a reserve tank is at best…weak.
I’d love to write that I’ll get rid of my reserve tank and be done with the whole thing, but I know me. I will wrestle with this. I will fight the urge to hold back a little something everyday. But today, I really want that reserve tank gone. Today I want God to be enough. Today, I want to take a chance and see what life might be like without a reserve tank.
Until another confession…