Confession…I am not normally one who hopes. I have been reading in Romans and Paul speaks of having a hope and a future and I think I’ve been glossing over it not really understanding the concept of hope. Today, I am realizing that I am not a hopeful person. I want good things to happen, but I don’t really put much energy into that. Life events have led me to believe that hoping for good things to happen often leads to sorrow, heartbreak, and disappointment.
Webster’s dictionary describes hope as this: to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen or be true.
I don’t think I do this at all. I go off of what I’ve seen and what I’ve experienced. If I want something to be true, I tell myself that it isn’t true until there is evidence to the contrary. I don’t have hope that it could happen or that it could be true. That’s something little kids do and I am not a little kid. I don’t even think I hoped for things as a kid.
My goal isn’t to elicit sympathy or pity, it’s just a realization I had this morning. I don’t hope for things. I don’t hope for the things of God. I have faith that things will work together for my good and His glory but is that the same thing? I don’t think it is. I’m not sure what the response is to this realization as I am just having it. I want to hope. I want to have a hope and a future. I don’t know what that looks like and I don’t know how that changes things, but I don’t want to be resigned to live without hope.
Until another confession…