Confession…I love my children and God gives me great joy in being their mother, but there was a time when I viewed motherhood as a chore I did not wish to do.
I have been revisiting my journals and thanking God for the changes He is making in my heart. He is regenerating my heart and I love the work He is doing. I came across a journal entry and it made me sad, but it also made me smile to know that God heard my heart cry and answered with a yes. I share that journal entry with you.
I have spent years of my life pursuing a blessing I thought I wanted (I wanted to be a children’s pastor and write amazing books that would change the world. I wanted that more than I wanted to be a mother). Instead the blessing I really ought to pursue is the one that includes my children. They are the ones I leave behind after I am gone. They are a part of my legacy. Will I leave all that seems important to me to follow God’s Will for me as a godly mother? Yes. It should be easier to say yes, but it isn’t, can You use that? Please show me their giftings and show me how to pray for them and how to love them and how to raise them to love you!
God is so good and faithful. His love endures forever! At the bottom of that journal entry, I had written what God showed me about those wonderfully zany little people. It was amazing to see that the gifts He revealed to me then were indeed the gifts they are learning to use now. I made this journal entry nearly 10 years ago! I love what God has done in my heart for my children. He has taught me to love them more than I love how they make me look. He has taught me to learn from them, as they are incredibly smart people. He has taught me to laugh and be joyful and find beauty in the simple things of life. He has taught me so much about His heart!
I love being a mother. I am on active duty for roughly 6-8 more years.Then I will be placed on reserve duty, going into active duty only when God calls me to it. What once felt like a chore and an obligation is now an honor and a privilege. John and I get to be a witness to their lives. John and I get to study them and learn about them. John and I get to advocate for them. John and I get to be their historians, testifiers to the things God has done in their hearts. What a blessing indeed!
Until another confession…