Confession…I am constantly fighting to leave control in God’s hands. This can be anything from who controls my schedule to who controls the outcome of my life and even beyond to who controls the outcome in my children’s lives.
As the kids get older, I am realizing that our time is short. My son will be an “adult” in four fast years. My girly girl will be “of age” in six. Where did the time go?! Into my heart…that is where the time has gone. I am treasuring each moment. But I must focus…We are fast approaching the time when mom steps back and allows them to move without my hand constantly readjusting their direction. Anyone who has teenagers knows this is the most difficult transition so far. I wrestle with the normal questions…Will they make the right choices? Not always. Will they fail? Sometimes. Will I be able to love them as Christ loves them? I pray I do. However, the question I find myself asking often these days is, will they realize God’s will for their lives?
The tendency, for me, would be to attempt to figure it out for them and then tell them what God’s will is for their lives. I would love to control things and help to prepare them ahead of time. I’d like to know now so I can set them up for success so they never have to know failure. It’s what a good mom would do, right? The more I talk to God about this, the more I realize…He isn’t going to use my method. He’s so kind though. He is using this time to remind me that He is God over my Iceman and my EGirl. He loves them and has a plan for them. He already knows the day He will reveal that plan to them. He already has the moment chosen when they will realize His love for them. He knows what will prompt their all out pursuit of His will in their lives. He will speak to them. He will confirm it in my heart. It is their call and their life. I begged Him to reconsider and let me in on the details. He hasn’t answered yet…I am starting to wonder if that is a no.
I must be honest, it makes me sad, just a little, to think that my kids will one day be adults who will pursue life away from me and their dad. We will let them go and get front row seats as they figure out what it is He has for them. We will watch the disappointment, heartbreak, and defeat that comes with transitioning to adulthood. We will also get to witness the joy, the excitement, and the courage they display as they continue to move forward in faith. He’s preparing my heart for the day when they follow His will away from John and I. I don’t know what He is calling them to. I don’t know what His plan is for them. I only know that He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it. I am so thankful I have some time.
Until another confession…