Confession…I worry so much! I don’t worry about the bills or where money will come from. I worry about what kind of woman I am. Am I honoring God as a wife? Am I honoring God as a mother? Am I honoring God as a daughter? Am I honoring as a sister? Am I honoring God as a friend? Am I honoring God as a woman?
Lately God has been talking to me about what I do with my fear. Honestly, that is where my worry stems from…FEAR. I am afraid I will lose my marriage. I am afraid I will raise ungodly kids. I am afraid I will strain my familial relationships. So much FEAR!
I feel like Anakin Skywalker, you know the guy who eventually becomes Darth Vader. He is so worried that he will lose Padme that he starts joining forces with the Sith master to prevent her death. Little does he realize that his actions are what lead to her death. (Sorry if you haven’t seen the movie yet, but honestly you should have seen it already.) The point is that my fear often leads to the very things I fear, if that makes any sense at all.
As I talk with God about, or as He talks to me about this, He reminds me of 1 Peter 5:7. Peter reminds us to cast all my anxieties on him, because he cares for me. Casting my cares on Him has always sounded a little bit irresponsible. Casting always carries with it an image of tossing something, for which I no longer care, aside. I care a great deal about my womanhood. I care immensely about how I am honoring God in my relationships. But today, God gave me a different image to use. He’s so good that way.
When my kids were little and they were scared of something, they always came running to John or I and they lunged into our arms. It wasn’t a mild approach. It wasn’t calculated. It wasn’t dignified or proper. It was most often painful to us as parents as they cast the weight of their little bodies into ours. It was often painful to have their little hands and fingers grab onto whatever they could find to clutch with Kung Fu strength. BUT as a parent, it was always worth it to hold a scared child and comfort them, to know they felt secure in our arms, to know they found refuge on our laps. Casting all MY cares on HIM because HE CARES FOR ME…like a child who casts themselves at a parent in an attempt to quiet a fear.
Until another confession…