Negotiating the Machine

Confession…Strength training has become one of my favorite parts of getting healthy. I struggle to walk into the gym at 5:30 in the morning. I groan as I get on the treadmill for my warm up interval run. I progress to my strength training routine.  I finally start to feel awake and alive and ready to own the day during the cool down stretch. It’s a great feeling. God really has been a major part of that time of day for me. I love spending those moments with Him as He points things out to me about who I am and who He is trying to help me become.

This morning he pointed out a man who was new to the gym. I smiled as I remembered being a newbie.  I wandered around the gym for a while trying to figure out where to start. Then I would decide on a piece of equipment that looked like it wouldn’t be too complicated to figure out. Then I’d stare I would appear to be “staring the machine down” in an attempt to psych myself out.( What I was really doing was reading the directions so I would know how to operate the blasted contraption without making a fool of myself.)  I giggled to myself as I watched this man do the same thing. I then realized, I do that with life. I encounter a situation that I don’t know how to handle. I walk around looking for a good place to start. I decide to start but spend a good amount of time trying to make a “good start” so as not to make a fool out of myself and somehow manage to never really start. When in reality, maybe I should just ask for help or take the first step to starting and learn along the way.

I am in a season of my lives where I have no idea what I am doing. Everything feels like a new piece of equipment. I’m in a new gym with new equipment and no workout routine to follow. I don’t like asking for help and I don’t want to look like a fool.  I have confidence that God will get me through, but gees Louise, that fear of looking like a fool is pretty darn intense. My mom always says that you can’t learn if you’re not making mistakes. She’s so right. What I need her to tell me, is how do to get comfortable with allowing myself to risk making mistakes and potentially look like a fool. I’m getting tired of negotiating with the  machine here.

Until another confession…

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