Confession: I HATE IT when people say “If I had a husband like yours…” It’s such a cop out and it lets people off the hook.
Okay, I think I’m calm now. I met with yet another one of my friends who is divorcing to chat. I’m so tired of my friends divorcing. It’s deflating. And I’m sure the reasons are valid to you, but to me it’s difficult to process. However, when I hear someone say that if they had my husband they would be a better wife, it makes me smoking mad. As if my husband is perfect and I have done something right to have landed such a perfect man. News flash…neither one of us is perfect. We are sinners and we found that out the first week of marriage. We have been married for 15 years and they have been 15 years of work, sacrifice, pain, and growth. So don’t look at where we are now and think we started out this way. We’ve come a long way baby.
As I was talking with my husband about this encounter (I talk to him about nearly everything that goes on in my day and vice versa) and as we processed through it we came to some realizations about how God’s gotten us to where we are and how we are going to allow God to get us to where we want to be. That’s the BIG IDEA…God is doing the work in us. If it were up to us…we’d check out completely and go on auto-pilot. Here they are:
1. We both had to make a choice to love the other even if we never changed. If you go into a relationship with plans to change the other person…you can’t really love them. You’re in love with a version of who you want them to be and that isn’t fair. You gotta love your spouse right where they are and not for where you hope they are going to go. If you submit to God’s Will in your life you can expect Him to change YOUR heart but don’t make the process about God changing your spouse. Remember…you’re not perfect either.
2. You don’t withhold love from your spouse until they become the godly person you hope they will be. You love your spouse whether they are godly or not. When did you ever experience someone love you more because you stopped behaving in a loving manner towards them? NEVER! It doesn’t work that way. You’ve chosen this person to commit to….COMMIT.
3. Finally, if what we believe as Christians is right and God wants to love this world through us then why don’t we love our spouse with that same concept. It isn’t the love that I muster up for my husband that I offer to him, it is the love I ask God to give me for him. I ask God to help me see my spouse as God sees him and then I ask God to help me love him with a godly love. The results are amazing. There is no room for criticizing and nitpicking with that kind of love. God doesn’t wait for us to get perfect and then come into our lives. He comes into the mess and chaos of our lives and works with us to move in a godly direction. So maybe we can follow that example? Just a suggestion.
So, I know that was a bit of a rant and I don’t make any apologies for it. I love my husband and I have committed to love him. God has gotten to his heart and done some awesome things. However, I would have loved him even if it took forever to get the work done. Yes, it would have been challenging but I was committed to doing it. Are you that committed?
Until the next confession…