Confession time…this week was incredibly difficult for me. I wanted to quit so many times this week I lost count.
As I press into God’s love for me, I find that I don’t like to be challenged. I don’t like to change and I don’t like to look at what I do and ask “How does it make God famous?” I prefer to do as I please and I prefer to act impulsively and I prefer to…I prefer. If I call myself a woman of God should I concern myself with what I prefer? I am starting to think that maybe what I prefer isn’t always the best what to go.
This week I needed to ask for help, I would have preferred to do it alone. This week I needed to call on my friends for prayer and encouragement, I would have preferred to suffer silently. This week I needed to apologize for making poor decisions, I would have preferred to stand in my error and hold my position of correctness. My preferences would have been damaging to those around me. It was hard to do the right thing. It was hard to move forward when all I wanted to do was quit. Quitting was my preference. Hebrews 12:1-2 encourages us this way:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.
Running the race with perseverance isn’t always easy but it is what God asks us to do. We find His strength in the quietness of this sort of running. As I fix my eyes on Jesus the pioneer (I love that imagery) and perfecter of our faith, I find Him calling me forward. He asks me to ignore the doubts and insecurities that sit on the sidelines and beckon for my attention. He asks me to trust His intentions for me. I must admit, I struggle with it from time to to time. However, while I am an unfaithful follower, He remains faithful.
Until the next confession…