A Trio of Confessions

Confession for my life…it’s my dream to write a book that helps people profoundly. Next confession…I think I have the subject. Final confession for the day…it will be about my wrestling match with weight loss. Here’s a bit of it.

Today was one of those days that make you want to quit. I went to the doctor and he told me what I already know…my weight is causing health issues.  Actually what he said was my weight posed the potential to cause health issues, but he might as well have said the former.  All I heard was blah blah blah you’re fat blah blah blah lose weight blah blah blah you’re not healthy.  Most days it would be another way to laugh.  It would be a small bleep on the radar screen of my life on any other day.  But today was the first of a new experience in my life. It was a first for my child in his life experiences. It was a day with stresses and fears.  Hearing my efforts over the past two months have meant nothing to this doctor was deflating. In reality I know different, but today it felt real.  I felt like a failure. I felt like a fat person.  I hate that feeling.  So I stopped by the store, got that spinach I didn’t want to eat, and ate a salad that I’d been planning rather than the unhealthy alternative I had envisioned in my mind.  It wasn’t as satisfying as I wish it would have been but I can respect my decision.  Normally I would go home and eat the most unhealthy thing I could find and quit my efforts to be healthy.  Today I didn’t do that.  Now my blood work will be a better indicator if any progress was made, but the choice to not indulge tells me that I’m making a different kind of progress.  Today I didn’t turn to food. I turned to God. I complained to Him about the whole thing. While I still had to make the decision about what to eat next, talking to God about the whole thing made me smile at myself and my ability to overdramatize.  So, while I may still need to work on my nutrition I am making progress.  That’s got to count for something…in my own mind.

Until another confession…

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