Forgive me bloggers for I have not blogged. It has been almost two weeks since my last confession. However, I’m back with a brand new confession or a new twist on an old confession whichever it may be for the day.
Confessions for the day: I am a quitter! I am a lazy leader! I could go on but I feel those will suffice for the day. I’ve been wrestling with several concepts this month and none of them are easy to tackle. The series the Revolutionaries are dissecting during this season has got me bugged. Give Me Faith has proved to be more than a quaint title with cliche implications.
The concepts I’ve been wrestling are as follows in no certain order.
- We are the promise of greater things to come
- God has grafted His word into my heart and attempts to germinate it and grow it in an effort to produce a quality person of God
- How bad to I want it? How bad to I need it? Am I eating sleeping, dreaming with that one thing on my mind? (Yes, a country song got mixed in with my James processing)
- In order to allow God to lead me to the life He desires for me I must allow my heart to be stripped bare. I must allow the ugliness of my heart to be seen and known, not by Him but by me. He already knows.
- We were not God’s plan B but God’s plan A.
- Love and obedience go hand in hand. This obedience is not a fearful acquiescence but a desire born out of passionate love to serve and minister.
- Rules without love results in blah!
AHHHHHHHHH! See what I mean? Which one do I start with? Which one do I focus on? Too many truths for one month. I have taken the country western song to heart first. (Dont’ make any comments on it just accept it for what it is.) If I don’t want to be a better person then I can just stop here. However, if I desire true change within I need to come to terms with my desire for said change. How bad do I want it? Until this point, not bad. I could take it or leave it. I could walk away from it, but if it followed me home that was just fine too. I don’t need it. I don’t eat with it on my mind. I don’t dream about it. I don’t want it all and I definitely don’t want to put it all down on the line. TRAGIC! Passion, I find is lacking in our churches. Passion to love the overlooked, passion to fight for the lost, passion to put aside comfort and self-centered thoughts in order to serve the good of God. I am a passionless woman. I’m standing first in the line to admit that I lack passion. My prayer has been recently that passion would be stirred up in my belly like a fire caused by a double double animal style mess of meat with fries on the side. I LACK PASSION! WE LACK PASSION! Yes, you lack passion too! Nothing will get done in our lives if we continue to accept the status quo. Nothing will get done in our lives if we continue to believe that this is how it will always be. Nothing will get done in our world if we buy into the notion that there is someone else who would be better at the job. There is no one else to do the job. Evidenced by the fact that the job isn’t getting done! AGHHHHH! See what happens when you pray for passion! Nothing tastes good anymore. Quitting becomes a bitter taste to the senses. Failing is another challenge to get up and try again. Doubt is an enemy that must be demolished at all costs because doubt can kill the passion and the dream!
Okay I’m all worked up and all alone in this living room. I have to go do something. Comment if you like but any criticism will be deleted. Why? Because I criticize myself enough for the both of us and I dont’ need company.
Until another confession…