I know it sounds so silly, but I think I’ve been expecting God to say yes to a prayer of mine. I know not everyone works prayer the same way but we all agree that when you pray to God you are allowing Him to do what He thinks is best. So, why is it that I always think His idea of what is best is the same as mine? I have a big prayer right now and I’ve been moving forward “expecting” God to answer with a yes. You know what I mean? Yes Angie, you can keep your house. Yes Angie, you can no longer feel the strain of your finances. Yes Angie, I will come in and fix everything so you can be comfortable and happy. It’s easy to trust God when you think He’s going to say yes. However, what if He is going to say no or later? What do I do then?! I’ve been looking at this possibility for the past two weeks. I haven’t liked it. I almost feel like I’m throwing a temper tantrum and God is the patient parent waiting for me to be done with my shenanigans.
As I face the reality that God will most likely say no in this situation, I have to ask myself if I still trust Him as much as I said I did. It’s been a hard question to grapple with. I haven’t been so sure. It’s easy to say “I believe in God” when things are good and life is easy. Right? I know I’m not the only one. But to continue to profess a faith in an unseen God who seemingly stacked all the decks against you is difficult. Before you start panicking…I believe there is a God. I believe it more than I believe anything right now. You can’t change my mind. I do wonder, however, about His intentions for me sometimes. But back to my point. I’m learning right now to trust He’s going to get me through when the answer is NO. I think I’ve been a bit of a brat. I think this experience is just what I need to go to the next level of maturity. I KNOW that God will get me through this. How do I know, some of you have already been little reminders of how much God loves me. From the friends who ask how I’m doing and then wait for the REAL answer, to the friends who go out with us just to have fun so we can take our minds off of reality for a while, and the friends who volunteer to help us get our house ready to put on the market. How can I believe anything else? The answer maybe NO to what I want, but I believe the answer is YES to what I need.