AHHHHHHHHHHHH! That feels better. I planned on starting this post with some profound thought or truth. Sorry, that was all that came out. The scream of a heart so overwhelmed with both the things of life and the love that surrounds that very same heart. The scream of a heart that wants to quit and give up and hide but knows that there are so many cheering the very same heart on. The scream of a heart that is looking for the strength to do the work set before it while at the same time trying to figure out what work that actually is. I typically like my posts to be more upbeat. I like to find the sliver lining in my clouds. I prefer to search for the treasure at the end of the storm. The past couple of weeks have been nothing like that. I know there is a treasure at the end of the storm. I know there is a lining in my cloud somewhere, but for the life of me I can’t seem to find the will to care. Please don’t worry too much about me. I know I will come out of this storm stronger and wiser. I know God will give me just what I need to weather this storm and survive. I already see Him doing it.
I think I better understand the saying…Life isn’t always about the destination, sometimes it is about the journey. Right now, I’m soaking up the journey. True is it hard and I find tears in my eyes more often than I prefer, but I can’t wish them away. My heart feels so raw, but that is after years of my heart being so hard and calloused. The thought that comes to mind is this: I am learning what it feels like to feel emotions and know they are normal. I asked God to soften my heart. I asked Him to teach me how to genuinely care. My emotions have never been my friend, but I have a feeling by the time this season is over…we will be well acquainted.