Heart Scream!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! That feels better.  I planned on starting this post with some profound thought or truth.  Sorry, that was all that came out.  The scream of a heart so overwhelmed with both the things of life and the love that surrounds that very same heart.  The scream of a heart that wants to quit and give up and hide but knows that there are so many cheering the very same heart on.  The scream of a heart that is looking for the strength to do the work set before it while at the same time trying to figure out what work that actually is.  I typically like my posts to be more upbeat.  I like to find the sliver lining in my clouds.  I prefer to search for the treasure at the end of the storm.  The past couple of weeks have been nothing like that.  I know there is a treasure at the end of the storm. I know there is a lining in my cloud somewhere, but for the life of me I can’t seem to find the will to care.  Please don’t worry too much about me.  I know I will come out of this storm stronger and wiser.  I know God will give me just what I need to weather this storm and survive.  I already see Him doing it.

I think I better understand the saying…Life isn’t always about the destination, sometimes it is about the journey.  Right now, I’m soaking up the journey.  True is it hard and I find tears in my eyes more often than I prefer, but I can’t wish them away.  My heart feels so raw, but that is after years of my heart being so hard and calloused.  The thought that comes to mind is this: I am learning what it feels like to feel emotions and know they are normal.  I asked God to soften my heart.  I asked Him to teach me how to genuinely care.  My emotions have never been my friend, but I have a feeling by the time this season is over…we will be well acquainted.

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